Tattoos Bar None wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

Audio Dregs Pirate Pod Cask #12

You can either click ‘Play’ to listen to it online (17m59s)…

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Audio Dregs #12

…or right click the above link and ‘save link as’ download the mp3 file for your player

The music from the Pod Cask

Special shout out to Crown Colony for agreeing to associate their kick ass grunge with the likes of the Bar None. Check out their Facebook Page or website and mention my name to get a free blank stare.

Crown Colony – Whir

Gin Wigmore – Kill of the Night

Bad Seed Rising – Bad Seed Rising

Jack White – Just One Drink

The Pod Cask [Outline]

Audio Dregs

Tattoo Story: I Got Your Back

The tattoo Josh woke up to

Click on the shot to order this for someone you hate

Celebrity Dregs

Tara Reid Tattoo: Tara “Yes I Can” Reid

Why Can’t Tara Reid Bar None wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Celebriety

Go Jon Hamm

Go Robbie Knievel

Booze Revooze of Spy

Juiced Box: Jack White – Just One Drink

• My own Facebook page is www.facebook.com/TheBarNone
• You can watch me ignore people on Twitter: @Al_K_Hall
• If you wanna bitch to me directly or just say hey i’m at 69alkhall@gmail.com
• And i’m always on duty at thebarnone.me

Beermaids and barhounds…Thanks for patronizing me.

Thirsty for more Audio Dregs?

 The Drawers – NSFW!

Melissa McCarthy

Melissa McCarthy Bar None wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

Björn Gustafsson

Björn Gustafsson Bar None wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

Jude Law

Jude Law Bar None wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

Jude Law in the Bar None

Rose Byrne

Rose Byrne Bar None wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

Morena Baccarin

Morena Baccarin Bar None wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

Nargis Fakhri

Nargis Fakhri Bar None wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

Alicia Vela-Bailey

Thirsty for more Audio Dregs?

Audio Dregs #3 Binge Drinking: Dead Drunk, Pool of Jäger, and “Big Eyes”

WTF!? review of Kung Fury

WTF!? review of Insidious

WTF!? review of Insidious 2

Fernby Film review of Bridesmaids, with Melissa McCarthy and Rose Byrne

You can either click ‘Play’ to listen to it online… (07m 09s)

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Audio Dregs #13

…or right click the above link and ‘save link as’ download the mp3 file for your player

Ant-Man Bar None wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

The music from the Pod Cask

Camilo Azuquita – Borombon

John Samuel Hanson – Judgement

The Drawers – NSFW!

Paul Rudd

Paul Rudd Bar None wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

Paul Rudd in the Bar None

Evangeline Lilly

Evangeline Lilly in the Bar None wallpaper – click on the shot for the wallpaper

Evangeline Lilly in the Bar None

Hayley Atwell

Hayley Atwell Bar None wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

Anna Kay Akana

Anna Kay Akana Bar None wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

Anna Kay Akana in the Bar None

Anna Kay Akana in the Bar None

• The Bar None’s Facebook page is www.facebook.com/TheBarNone
• You can watch me ignore people on Twitter: @Al_K_Hall
• If you wanna bitch to me directly or just say hey i’m at 69alkhall@gmail.com
• And i’m always on duty at thebarnone.me

Beermaids and barhounds…Thanks for patronizing me.

Thirsty for more Audio Dregs?

Audio Dregs Booze Revooze of The Avengers: Age of Ultron

WTF review of Guardians of the Galaxy

Fernby Films review of Batman (1989)

Thirsty for more Audio Dregs?

Hey there barmaids and beerhounds. It’s me, Al K Hall, your ever loving tender bar tender here at the Bar None popping in to brag a little.

Click On Image For Details

Way back in 2010, i forecast Bradgelina dividing into Brad and Vadgelina, and i even gave the reason: Brad’s drinking. i may have been premature (like usual, what can i say?), but i got it so fucking right.

“Are You Drinking What I’m Drinking?”

i’m guessing the Pitts were hanging out on their private plane and Brad was guzzling jet fuel or whatever the rich drink for kicks, when he started getting mean drunk. Vadgelina made some remark that set him (or maybe the jet fuel) off and then Maddox stepped in to take his mom’s side. Unfortunately, this made Brad turn on his kid and that’s when Angelina cut the cord.

Anyway, if y’all take the time to read the above link, you’ll have to agree i’m at least as psychic as i am psychotic. Which is what i always say. Just like “Thanks for patronizing me”.

What do you think? Did they split because of the booze or because Brad decided he wanted to French kiss Marion Cotillard?

If you’re here for the hot babes then i’ve got some Vadgelina:

Click On Image To Get A Wallpaper

Angelina Jolie At The Bar None

You know how i stopped writing this blog when Hell froze over because that was the only way i’d ever leave the Bar None? Well, Hell must’ve just thawed because there is only one convergence of events that would’ve ever got me back here and against all the odds and ends, the stars miraculously aligned.

You see that glass in front of them?

And when i say “stars”, i of course mean Cara Delevingne (or Cara Delavagina as she’s known around here and other parts) and Amber Heard who aligned and are still aligning like wild cats, i bet. And that image is hot enough to melt even a Hell that froze over. Which brings us back to why i’m here right now.

Not only did the two hottest women on the planet get together, they are doing it in a bar and of course they are! Where else would they get the right motivation to take the party horizontal? It was exactly how things started between Cara and Michelle Rodriguez and don’t tell me you don’t remember that gorgeous debacle.

An unforgettable kiss she won’t remember

Camber (yep, i created that and you heard it here first) hung out together on Monday, September 19th, first at a bar named after what models say to each other to start a conversation (SoHo) and then to a different bar called LouLou. By the way, both of these clubs are too exclusive to even think about accepting folk like you and me, trust me, i’ve tried.

Turns out Amber and Cara are getting over their exes by getting on each other. Amber is still trying to salvage her reputation after getting busted for lying about Johnny Depp and Cara just broke up with a girl called Saint Vincent of all things.

The other women

My only concern is, when these two break up, where will they go to console themselves? They’re each already tapping the epitome of female beauty, so they have nowhere to go but down. Which is where they’re going anyway, so at least they know the way.

But you know Johnny Depp is kicking the shit out of himself because if he could’ve held on for a few more weeks, he had a shot at the threesome of the century.

Cara Delevingne

Cara in the Bar None

Amber Heard

Amber Heard in the Bar None

Amber Heard still in the Bar None

i don’t know if you know or not because she’s not really a Bar None type of gal, but there’s this girl singer called Selena Gomez. You might remember her from when she made an appearance her in Spring Breakers where she played a good girl going bad. If you missed that one, though, no big deal because all you have to do is look at her life. She’s pulling that same shit there.

Selena Gomez in the Bar None Wallpaper: Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Which is to say she’s in rehab. Officially she’s in rehab for “depression” but you and i aren’t as stupid as you look and we know rehab for depression isn’t a real thing.

What’s saddest is not this excuse we’re hearing or the fact her peeps are blaming it in her lupus or the downers she’s downing our the booze she’s swigging… No, what’s saddest is that she’s in withdrawal, and even sadder still is what she’s in withdrawal from: Justin Bieber. Swear to god, she got addicted to his scrawny ass that’s moved way on down the road and there she is still stuck in the same rut she was in when they were together. When you can’t move on, you need to do something to kill time and for most folk that means killing yourself with drink and drugs.

Of course Selena’s addicted to depression because she’s addicted to the alcohol that took her down and is continuing to hold her there at rock bottom. Here’s a dry toast to hoping rehab helps her to pick herself up and move on…

Why couldn’t she get addicted to Cara Delevingne like the rest of us?

Selena Gomez

Ramblings:

Final Proof: 2½ out of 5

You know you get drunk at home on a weeknight? The evening starts out with a cocktail of three fingers of Jack black label in a dirty glass while you watch local news and kick your shoes off without untying the laces. You get your TV dinner out of the microwave and eat off your lap while watching reruns and gulping swigs of 3.2 beer. For desert you scoop ice cream out of the soggy carton and shovel it directly into your mouth while your t-shirt keeps slipping over your belly and you have to pause between bites to burp. This absolutely mundane experience that replays on your living room sofa every night is exactly what Jack Reacher was like.

“I see you ordered the re-hash.”

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back missed a good opportunity to be direct-to-DVD. The story is less interesting than most tv series i watch and reminds me of an old episode from some late 90s cop show. The action was lifted from a Starsky & Hutch rerun, the jokes were from some Saturday morning cartoon and the New Orleans set was so obviously back-lot Hollywood that I expected some NCIS agent to step out of the shadows to make a bust.

A Cheap Shot

It’s just all so disappointing. i’m trying damned hard to be the only man left in the world who doesn’t hate Tom Cruise for something but it’s getting harder and harder to say, “Yeah, but did you see him in Tropic Thunder? He was cool as fuck!” Plus he’s getting old and there were some scenes where the CGI wasn’t enough to scrub his wrinkles.

“Who you calling ‘Fat Face’?”

And this is the thing that bugged me the most… i wanted to like it. As i agree with Saint Pauly over at the competition’s blog that John Wick was a waste of celluloid, i was hoping Tom would cruise in and build off the excitment he tried to rub out in the first Jack Reacher. Already that one had a hard enough time delivering the goods with any kind of consistency, but then this one came along and was even slower? WTF!? Hell, i’m not even sad for me, i’m sad for Cobie Smulders who’s as cool as hell and broke out of How I Wasted Six Seasons of Your Life Meeting Your Dead Mother to be a famous movie star and then ends up as a bit player in the Marvel Comical Universe and gets short changed on roles in films like this one. Let’s give her the credit she deserves, Barmaids and Beerhounds!

Basically, if you’re in the mood to watch a tv show at the movies, this is a movie for you.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2 Shots

There was no shortage of lovely ladies in the film but unfortunately, the boring-ness [it wasn’t a word but it is now – get over it] got in the way and was so distracting it was hard to appreciate the beauty and talent of Marvel Avengers Maria Hill (AKA Cobie Smulders).

There’ll be more shots of her in my drawers, down below

There was even a scene in a motel toward the beginning where she walked around in a military reinforced bra for a couple of minutes, but if you want the sexy, you should stay here instead.

Jack Reacher also had a teen interest (like a love interest but a teen included not for romance but inserted into movies as millennial magnets) in the guise of the very cute Danika Yarosh, which is slavic for this:

There’ll be shots of her in the drawers, as well

Finally, the young and attractive Madalyn Horcher played Sgt. Leach, a young non-com who never got sexier than her military fatigues so y’all came to the right place to catch this kind of action.

Silken Butterflies

The ever so lovely Abbie Gayle made an appearance as “Senior Girl #1” and the film was all the better for it. Maybe they should’ve put her in more often and longer to make the film as good as this shot looks.

Drink: 0 shots

The complete and total absence of alcohol was a little disturbing, to be honest – and i’m a teetotaler.

Rock & Roll: 2 shots

Not nearly as much action as you deserve.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: 

Lee Child for the book
Richard Wenk, Edward Zwick, and Marshall Herskovitz for the screenplay

Directed by: Edward Zwick

Starring

Cobie Smulders – Susan Turner
Danika Yarosh – Samantha Dayton
Madalyn Horcher – Sgt. Leach
Tom Cruise – Jack Reacher
Aldis Hodge – Espin

Bottom Line

See the first one again or wait for John Wick 2, but leave this one alone until it comes on your favorite website.

The Drawers (NSFW)

Be warned that the shots that follow are of the sexy nature, so if you’re looking at it with bosses or kids (or a boss who is a kid) around then you have no one to blame except your curiosity. Because i just warned your ass.

Cobie Smulders

Cobie Smulders in the Bar None

Danika Yarosh

Another Round

Bar None 0-5 Shot booze revooze of The Avengers

0-5 Shots Booze Revooze of Edge of Tomorrow

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Ramblings:

Final Proof: 3 Shots

You know how you get drunk with your best friend? You wake up early and take a long shower and grab an unhealthy breakfast on your way to work and you try to pay attention but it’s so goddamn boring so you write down to-do lists of things you’ll never do and do this in every fucking meeting until lunch time when you eat something that upsets your stomach not enough to make you sick but enough you feel like shit but still you return to your desk all afternoon and then you go home and the traffic’s not too bad so you park and then you sit down on the sofa in front of the tv and you almost nod off and why not, you don’t have any plans but then your friend texts you and says to go out and you’ve got nothing better to do so you debate taking a shower and decide it’s a good idea (if you’re a girl) or that it’s not worth it (if you’re a guy) and then you get dressed and head out and get drunk. That’s what Doctor Strange was like: all back story and build up and not enough action.

i had high hopes for this movie and it turns out i should’ve been the one high and not my hopes because this movie is trippy as fuck. Which you would think would be a good thing until you see it and then you realize it’s some kind of 70s acid flashback, much like the comic itself.

There was even this one scene i won’t talk about because spoilers but it went on too long in the same way the card scene in Now You See Me 2 went on too long. Plus it was too hippy, even for me, and I have a “high” tolerance for hippy, no pun intended even if I put it in quotes so you didn’t miss it.

But apart from that, it was perfect, right? Welllllll, not so much. My main complaint about the Doctor wasn’t his drugs but his life story. They spent so much time on his origins and his background and his back story that i felt like i was at a fucking history lecture and not a movie. By the time “Make Me” Mads Mikkelsen arrives to kick the story into gear, everyone’s pretty much already gone to sleep.

But apart from the 70sr style and long ass explanations, the movie was really good. They stole special effects from Inception and stole them super well because it looked cool as hell. The directing was decent and the actors did a great job. Benedict Cumberbatch and his American accent were good enough that people may even start being able to remember and pronounce his name.

My final verdict is you should see the movie. A 3 out of 5 isn’t bad unless it’s your final grade because 60% sucks, but in movie ratings it’s decent. This movie falls somewhere between the first Captain America flick and Winter Soldier, so it’s entertaining enough for at least one good watch.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 1½ shots

Poor little Rachel McAdams had to carry all the sex appeal of this movie by herself and she’s the kind of good looking that can do it, but it was hard because she was in doctor’s scrubs the whole damn time and not looking enough like this.

Rachel McAdams Wallpaper (Click on the shot for a wallpaper)

Drink: 1 shot

The only, and i swear to god this is true, drink reference in the whole fucking film comes during the after-credits scene where Doctor Strange is hanging out with Thor. He asks Thor if he wants some tea, but Thor says he doesn’t like tea so the Doctor magically changes the tea cup into a giant beer stein and refills it again after Thor chugs the first one. ☕ ⇒

Benedict Cumberbatch in the Bar None Wallpaper (Click on the image for a wallpaper)

Rock & Roll: 2 shots

The action wasn’t as good as the special effects, that’s for sure. And the special effects were so good i was kinda bummed i saw it in 2D, especially the scene where Stephen Strange has an LSD drug trip. i know i said it was too long, but what I meant was, while the scene looked cool, it didn’t fit in with the rest of the movie. And it was too long.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: 

Steve Ditko (comic)

Jon Spaihts, Scott Derrickson, C. Robert Cargill (screenplay)

Directed by: Scott Derrickson

Starring

Tilda Swinton – The Ancient One

Rachel McAdams – Christine Palmer

Benedict Cumberbatch – Dr. Stephen Strange

Mads Mikkelsen – Kaecilius

Chiwetel Ejiofor – Mordo

Benedict Wong – Wong

Bottom Line

Watch it to say you did, but then watch Batman v Superman again instead of rewatching this one.

Another Round

Booze Revooze of Tom Reaching

Audio dregs pirate pod cask of another Marvel-ous movie

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

What follows, Barmaids and Beerhounds, it’s even less fit for human eyes than what you’ve already seen, and on top of that it’s NSFW. If you read on, you have no one to blame but your hormones.

Being the imperfect gentleman that i am, i’ll start off with a little one for the ladies (at least that’s what i always tell them). Here’s some shots of the Cumberbatch…

Benedict Cumberbatch

Benedict Cumberbatch Wallpaper (Click on the image for a wallpaper)

Rachel McAdams

Rachel McAdams in the Bar None

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

(Cartoon by David Rowe)

O, America! i know just how you feel. You went out on a bender on a weeknight — a Tuesday, no less! — and now you’re paying the price. It was fun while it lasted, though, wasn’t it! You got a little (lot!) crazy, let your hair down, got flirty with some very unsavory characters, and put your morals on hold for the evening. Good for you! Everyone deserves to let loose every once in a while.

Especially after how good you’ve been lately. Eight years of working hard and getting shit done. Staying as classy as you were for so long is no easy task and so it’s only natural for you to blow off some steam. Stir up some trouble. Raise a little (a lot of!) Hell.

Unfortunately, now comes the time when you have to wake the fuck up. You have to take stock of what you did and figure out what you lost. Keys? Phone? Respect? You have to do that walk of shame out into the world and face the demons you fucked and the friends you fucked over. You have to go to work and it won’t be easy with the way you feel and i feel sorry as fuck for you when i think about the hangover you’re going to suffer for the next four years.

To help pass the time, here’s some shots of those trump cards. (NSFW from here on out)

Ivanka Trump

Ivanka Trump in the Bar None

Melania Trump

A first lady we can get behind

Melania Trump wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper